It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
