you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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