You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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