Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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