It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
