Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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