I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
