...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
