He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
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