Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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