She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
