In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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