i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
