I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
