LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
