he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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