I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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