dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
