ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
