We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
