Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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