i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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