We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize