last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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