Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
