My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
