Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
