I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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