all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
