I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
