the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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