in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
