Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
