Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
