I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
