it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
