community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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