Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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