I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
