end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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