i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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