I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
