Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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