she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
