butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
