Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
