see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
