I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
