so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
