he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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