I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
