k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize