I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so let's talk penis.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
