I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
