Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Welp...herpes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He shit in the fireplace
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize