This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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