Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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