This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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