im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
