I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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