Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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