i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
