she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
