He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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