If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
