I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize