I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
